Black-Jack

Oh how little boys play hard. Jackson got this lovely shiner by playing at Town Square on Friday July 4th. We went there to see Wall-E and missed our time...so we decided to let the boys play on the playground they have there. Alec, Jake and Jack got wet almost instantly. As one little boy was looking down waiting for the water to shoot up, Jackson was looking too--over his shoulder. When the water shot out, the boys head went up and he got Jack right on the cheekbone. Needless to say, Jackson didn't cry. He just held his face for a minute and stared at me. I asked him to come to me so I could look at it, but by the time he got to me, he wasn't hurt anymore and wanted to play. He did keep touching his face here and there. By the time we got out of the movie it was starting to turn black. It actually got worse than this, but these were the only pictures he would let me take. On Sunday, he didn't want to go to church saying, "I can't go to church wiff dis on my face!" Everyone asked him how he got the black eye and he would just shrug his shoulders. I had to explain over and over what had happened. Most people know that Jack is 4 of 4 boys, so he is bound to have bruises all the time. Most of which are on his shins....makes me cringe. What a boy I have with Jack. He keeps me going all the time and usually hurts me once or twice a day. I love my boys, they make me laugh and they make me crazy. I don't know what I would do without them. :)

Sometimes you just need to cry....

What is it about driving while on a vacation and seeing plates from your state and thinking...OH, someone from Nevada, yay! I don't know if everyone does this or if it is just me. I have always been wierd this way. Even as a little girl I would see where people were from by thier licence plates while driving. Living in Nevada for two parts of my life...birth to age 12 and then twice with Sean...you get to see a lot of different plates. Especially living in Las Vegas. There are tons of different plates here to see. While we were in California this past week, in Roseville, I swear we were the only ones from out of state. I didn't hardly see anyone, in town, that was NOT a California plate. I did, however, see a plate that I want when we move there. :) Since it is close to Reno, we did see a few plates that were Nevada, but they were most likely from Reno, not Las Vegas.

It was a long drive there. 9 and 1/2 hours to get there. Not bad. We left later than I had planned, but that was because my planning was off and I had depended upon my 16 year old to help out, and all he did was sleep. I went to Enrichment Night for the birthday dinner and really enjoyed myself. I stayed late and talked to Jamie Burt and then took Sam over to Amee Ivies house for her to watch and stayed late there as well. Only to come home to all things left the same way they were when I had left. Silly me to think that I could trust Austin. Needless to say, I stayed up late trying to finish my things, and cleaning. I have this thing about leaving a dirty house. I was really upset when I remembered that I forgot to start the dishwasher before we left. That meant I had to remember when I got home...which didn't happen until Sunday and we got home on Friday. :)

Jakob had plans to go to the beach. So that is the first thing we did on Saturday. We drove to Pacifica and went to a beach there. It was cold. There was a storm coming and the waves were huge. Jackson was terrified of them. He clung to Sean and screamed the entire walk to the beach. We weren't sure if he thought he was going to be sucked under the water or that someone was going to throw him in. He finally calmed down and even eventually walked on the beach. Austin went in and got wet in the freezing water. Jake and Alec looked for shells on the beach and any other treasure they could find. We didn't stay long, the wind was bad and I was afraid Jakob would get asthma. We ate lunch in a parking lot nearby...we had no idea where else to go since it wasn't practical to eat at the beach. We looked at the site of San Fransisco from our car, and let me tell you I wasn't impressed. Hopefully we will get to explore more when we move there. It was really interesting to say the least. I wanted to go to Alcatraz, but that will have to be for a later time. We didn't have money for the toll booths, so that will be interesting when we get those bills in the mail. With our luck, it will have fee's attached to them. :)

For the most of the time, we drove around and looked and marveled at the beauty of it there. I really think it is most comparable to St. George. It has a ton of grass, and trees and even a few palm trees here and there. It was also so quiet. We rarely saw any police cars, never heard sirens or planes and only the occasional helicopter...for traffic purposes I am sure. We found a park near the apartment and went there almost every day. It was nice, not too warm but not horribly cold either. All in all, I think we are going to like living there.

It was really hard to leave Sean. I have to say that I thought it wasn't going to be this tough. I am having the hardest time with it though. I am really depressed. He was crying when we parted, and then I started to cry too. I don't cry, I am not a crier, I really don't like to cry. I hate the headache that goes with it. I didn't cry long, and I think that affected me. I think I need to cry it out! I am having a hard time with Austin and his lying and disrespect towards me. Alec still crys or complains about everything. Jakob is a bit lost without Dad, and without me being fully functional lately. Jackson is giving me a run for my money. That boy is so difficult. He has really been acting out lately. I am sure all of this is me. I have been out of control of a lot of things. Like my weight. I have put on every pound but 7 that I lost. I was up to 40 pounds lost. It is all back and I have nothing to wear, nothing. I am depressed and think that if I don't start doing something, I am going to have to go to the doctor and be put on some medication. I am going to try and cry myself to sleep tonight. I am going to start a detox program and get myself out of my sugar addiction. I am going to start exercising, even if it is only for 20 minutes a day, it will be something. I have to do something because I feel like I am drowning.

I will end here. I am going to be praying a lot to see if the decision for me to stay here in Vegas is the right one. I don't know if I can deal with Austin alone. He just walks all over me. It hurts me so bad to know that he doesn't even care. I really wish I could re-think this whole parent thing. I am not so sure I would do it if I could go back and change it. I love my boys with all my heart, but a broken heart isn't very easy to deal with. I really thought I had taught them better values. I think I am failing.

Moving

So, we are moving to California. Sean was offered a great job in Sacramento. He will be doing insulation again, but this time will become the branch manager in a year. We moved to Las Vegas for work as well. Things were going good until September of 2006 he was let go. The company had be purchased by another corporation who bought it to make money. When the economy started to slow, they looked at Sean as a salary they could live without. He got a job quickly, just 2 weeks later, with a company called LVCMI. Las Vegas Cultured Marble Inc. He loved this job. He was able to draw on the computer everyday with CAD and other programs and design and measure countertops. He took a paycut when getting this job with the hopes of getting a raise. Unfortunately the raise never came. In his efforts to provide for the family, he spent a lot of time praying for guidance. We even fasted to see if he was to stay where he was. The fast offered us a comfort in knowing that he was where he was supposed to be for the time being. Later, we were starting to get worried again, and had hoped to buy the home we are living in from our landlord. He ws working with us to put the home in our name. Again, Sean prayed and one day on the way home from work decided that he should call his former boss Ken Sheldon. He, interestingly enough, had an opportunity he wanted to talk to Sean about.

That is where we are now. It took almost 2 months from the beginning of this until now. He was asked if he was interested. He met with Ken to talk about the details. He and I pondered it together..(I didn't want to move, I love Las Vegas). Ken was given the green light to negotiate with Sean for his hire. The discussion went well, and Sean accepted the verbal agreement. Sean waited for a few weeks to get the official written offer. Finally got the offer, signed it, and gave LVCMI a 3 week notice. It feels like a lifetime since then. The prospect of moving. Decisions to be made. Leaving friends. All of it was so crazy and stressful. In the end...or the beginning, we decided that Sean would live in California with Ken until all three boys were out of school. When we moved to Las Vegas, we did it in the middle of the school year and it was tough on Alec. Jakob is doing really well in school and I want him to continue doing well so this was part of the decision on this one. Seans last day of LVCMI was March 7th. He flew out to Sacramento on Sunday, March 9th. I just hope time goes a bit faster but not too fast to when we move there as a family.

I think the boys are all okay with it. I know leaving friends is hard, but that is the great thing about church. We always have a ward family...and hopefully we will have some time to meet some people before the boys start school. If not, they will make friends fast.

It has been three days without Sean now. Luckily things have been so hectic, that I haven't noticed much...except when I am in bed alone. I don't sleep well as it is, and with Sean gone, I really haven't slept well. Oh, and the stupid time change. I hate "Spring Forward". It is nice once you get used to it, but the first week is crazy!

We are going to California on Friday, me and the boys, to stay with Sean and Ken for a week in thier small apartment. I am so thankful to Ken for allowing this to happen. Things are loud with my boys around and can get squished with that many people in one small space. This will be the first Spring Break that we have actually gone somewhere. Sean will be working most of the time...during the week next week, but it will be fun for us to see where we will be living and to decide maybe on a town that looks like it will fit us. I am taking the boys out of school on Friday and leaving that day. I should be doing laundry and finding all the little boys clothes right now, but I am sitting here trying to start...since this seems to be a good place to start my online journal. :)

Starting this for ME!

So, I have decided to start this blog only for myslef. I don't intend on letting others view it. I figure that since I have good intentions of starting a journal to keep track of the funny sometimes aggrivating daily happenings of my life now, with 4 boys, one dog, a church calling or two, friends, family, moving...all of it. I am on the computer daily, so what better way to start a journal than doing it this way?

I checked out a lot of other websites that offer free journal or diaries online...but they were infact, not free ultimately. I was looking for something that I could post my thoughts and whatever else, along with a picture or two if it applies. This was it! I hope that I can figure out how to do this and to later save this so I have a hard copy of my entries. I am sure some of the blogger girls in my ward will help me out with this one....although, I don't want anyone reading this. Sean thinks it is a form of vanity...as in look at me and how wonderful I am. I look at it as a way of connecting with others. For now I will keep this private. For him. I love getting emails and would love comments on these things...but I also am private and don't want too many knowing everything about me.

If anything, this is for me. I have no memory and therefore need to have a place to put my thoughts down. To remember the funny things Jackson said or Jakob did...or the things the older boys are doing to try my paitence. I love all my boys. I love being a stay at home mom. I love my calling, 2nd Counselor in the Primary. I have lots of changes coming up in my life, and want to be able to record the moments that I know will be forgotten. I want to get it down...if not on paper, then on my computer!

New

Just trying this out to see what it looks like and how I can change it!